"A WAY OF ESCAPE ... THE 12 STEPS I NEVER TOOK!"
  • Why write a book?
  • Knowledge Hindered
  • Contact the Author
  • About the Author
  • One Day - One Step
  • Notes to Self
  • Why write a book?
  • Knowledge Hindered
  • Contact the Author
  • About the Author
  • One Day - One Step
  • Notes to Self
Search by typing & pressing enter

YOUR CART

A Way of Escape

The 12 Steps I never took!
One Day, One Step ... a 12-Step Journey

SEE MY LATEST BLOG POST HERE:  ​(my blog)
Picture
Recovery Chaplain Judy Cockrum
SEARCHING ...
The Beyond Within*
A PAUSE for a brief intro:
This web page has been a work in progress for multiple years.  I have had several publish dates for my book.  But, last December, 2020, my sons and I were shocked when, instead of returning from the hospital for treatment of pancreatitis, Russ died in the ICU.  We weren't able to be with him his 25 days of illness because of COVID-19 Restrictions at the Indianapolis VA Hospital, and no one but I was able to even talk to caregivers, and have brief conversations with him.  Our loss is heaven's gain.  We miss him so much - it's been over 5 months and the pain of loss is like the news was heard yesterday.
This was written before his death:
​
Why write a book?  If my story helps one individual gain hope and change their future, the writing of this story is worth every minute spent.


    53 years ago, when we first married, we had so many dreams and big plans. 

Best friends in high school, engaged at 17 and 18, careers and a family on our horizon - but life dished out more than we were prepared to digest, and our emotional immaturity got in the way of our dreams.

     The raging Vietnam War, and all of its intricacies in the USA in the late 1960's, dictated our first 5 years of marriage. 

Russ joined the Army before our 1st wedding anniversary.  Our sons were born while he was serving US Army.  We moved dozens of times and were apart both times I was pregnant and went into labor.  I was in Indiana, he was on his way to Korea when Jim was born 1969, and I was in Illinois while he was getting base housing at our new duty station, in Maryland, when I was admitted for Ken's delivery.  He arrived in time for the birth, but had to leave before Ken, Jim and I could travel.  We called our Army experience the "forever good-bye."

     Russ almost had orders for Vietnam in 1969, then they got changed to an "accompanied tour to Taipei Taiwan.  We started preparation for international relocation, I was expecting Jim's arrival and had the immunizations scheduled for following him 30 days into his tour.   

5 days before his scheduled departure, the US Army changed his orders to South Korea.  We received a phone call and a letter.  He would be stationed on the DMZ between North and South Korea. An "unaccompanied" 13 month tour.


We spent 5 days crying and holding each other. He flew away to Korea.  I went into labor, with our first son Jim, that same day. 
   
    Russ came home from the military broken.  Greeted by a 13-month-old son, and a very sad and lonely, but 
hopeful, wife. He was a loner, an alcoholic, seemingly running, hiding, fearful ...  and often irrational. 
Chaplain Russ Cockrum
May 4, 1947 - December 1, 2020

VIEW MEMORIAL SERVICE HERE
Picture
Russ and Judy Cockrum, Jim, and Ken along with Abby (at Ken's left hand) Christmas Card 1977

https://fb.watch/4-jJ-KcFiT/
     Russ was never abusive, but often withdrawn and couldn't enjoy himself.  He just wasn't the man I married.
    I knew him 4 years before we married.  He always had a deep moral integrity that I've respected and clung to through the years. He is my rock, my mentor and confidant.  Leaning on him turned to watching him from a distance, the imagined chasm brought on by defeat, and isolation, became real and our new normal.

   After several years of fighting the unknown (1978) we both landed in the arms of an amazing pastor and his wife, Herb and Norma Hull who demonstrated what life can be, following Christ. We jumped in - the whole family, never went back to the drug and alcohol culture.

   But, wounds of our past went with us, we've bent a knee to our Lord, begging for the hurts of our past to be lifted, but accepted several years ago that this may be our "thorn in the flesh."  Instead of quitting we must share who we are, what we've survived and how our God has carried us through the unknown.

   Celebrate Recovery has taken us there, to a place where sharing, being real and giving back all begins happening; when you show-up, speak-up and suddenly find yourself giving back, now you are on the road to recovery.

​​*The Beyond Within
by Oswald Chambers
"He imparts to us the quickening of the life of Jesus, which puts 'the beyond' within, and immediately the beyond
has come within ... " 
​​
Daily Devotional
November 28



​​
Picture
Hope is a Four-Letter Word, a journal by Judy Cockrum, on Amazon. Click on the image.

Emotionally healthy people 
have learned to be emotional. 


This is profound. 

Suppressing emotions to avoid the pain of reliving memories, simply delays experiencing the emotions. 


To release the burden of un-forgiveness and bitterness we must embrace the emotions of the pain.   

Walking around with unprocessed feelings builds a wall between:
​
  • us and others,
  • us and God,
  • us and us. 

Us and us!  Forgiving ourselves seems to be the last step to freedom from our past.  It doesn't have to be delayed.

Emotionally healthy people do not shove their emotions onto others, toxic friendship style, nor do they tamp them down into dark recesses of their gut or heart.   Some gain their healing, but along the path of emotionally healthy living, they still let their emotions spill over, without giving God glory for the healing that sharing brings.  Gratefulness, for surviving, for overcoming, for comprehending God was there all along - rescuing, protecting, guiding, covering.

I do not share my story with others to gain focus on myself while the readers look through a lens of pity or concern.  Please view with the lens of hope as I attempt to reveal God's amazing grace, unmerited favor, and peace beyond understanding, by telling my story.
​
My pain is shared to bring freedom to those who emotionally are not handling their hurts or memories well. 
​
All to the glory of God,
who shared His Son,
crossing a line
none of us are willing to cross. 
Unto Death
Picture
A Story Worth Telling
Often Starts With Pain.


Yes, that pain you never mention,

... or really don't want to talk about. 

Just because you thought you forgave ... and of course, 
left it in your past,
the pain may still remain. Surprise!!

Who knew.
That thing you covered well,
with grace, and prayer, tucked away;

it is secretly still hurting,
crushing, destroying deep down. 

This is why I remain in recovery.
Triggered by little things,
the memories return:

It could be:
the scent of a man's cologne;
a loud gruff public speaker;
a mother harshly correcting her child;
a highly opinionated strong personality; 
or, a random confrontational heated discussion across the room. 

Any or all of these can be emotionally challenging to an individual
who is in recovery
from physical or emotional abuse. 

I'm convinced I would not know
​if I am healed
​if I did not re-experience
some of these triggers
in my lifetime.
Forgiven and Forgiving



More Information About Celebrate Recovery
Proudly powered by Weebly